I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize