She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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