she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
