He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize