then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
