True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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