i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
did i just pee glitter
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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