Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
