He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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