whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
