Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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