I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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