Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
