Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
