How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
