I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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