sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love you. Go after that dick
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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