He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
