could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
