i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
