i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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