I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
