But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
love makes seman taste better
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize