LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
