we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
