I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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