Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A bitchslap is in order.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
