First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This baby is an asshole
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
