i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
