Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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