alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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