I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
