i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When are your genitals available?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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