I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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