So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
