dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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