i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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