He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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