jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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