Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
