Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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