pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize