need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
