Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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