My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
