The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
