Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
