We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
