I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
