I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
