I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
