I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
