oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
