Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
