An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
