dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
