Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize