I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
