Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
