hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
