Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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