So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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