The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
