You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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