I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
