He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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