i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm having to shit out rocks
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