Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
