i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
