I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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