did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
