Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
