I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
