i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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