He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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