In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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