Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
