Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
