"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize