Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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