I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
where am i from again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
