I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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