this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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