Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
