..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
