if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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