I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
