But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
