Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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