Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
