Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's just so happy...and so naked.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
