His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
