the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
