Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
soo... how was my night?
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