I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
