i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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