FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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