Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
