Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
