hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
