I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
