Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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