"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
