It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
