I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
