Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
