We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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