false alarm. still invincible.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
50% drunk capacity currently
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
