Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
