What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
