Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
