Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
