Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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